somebody snuck up and got me drunk
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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