I didn't shave. On purpose
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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