absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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