You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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