my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
