Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
