Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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