My balls are so social today.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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