Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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