Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
