is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
