My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
