i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
