This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
