got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
