I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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