Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
