Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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