Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize