I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize