I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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