just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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