Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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