literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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