Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
