I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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