Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
