im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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