you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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