tell your sister to shave her snatch
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
