Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
