Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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