went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
