Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
