He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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