Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
