Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
