All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
