I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
