I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We are two peas in an std pod
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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