I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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