**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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