So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize