On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
