My liver just broke up with me...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My bed smells like the plague
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
