I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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