i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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