seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
