I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
