Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
