I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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