the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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