That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
