you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
