I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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