She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
