I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize