Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
