explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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