i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
