I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
