And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
