you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
