Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
