Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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