I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
