In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
