Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
