Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
