Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
