New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My balls are so social today.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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